"I carried a watermelon...?"

Today I was encouraged by Sean, or gently pushed, to go out into town with the lady that is cooking for us, Li Paix.  I was scared, in an intimidated way, not in a fearful way, of walking in town.  Being the obvious outsider. Oh how in my flesh I felt so out of place and insecure about just walking the streets, but I pulled up my big girl panties, Sean and I prayed about it and I went on my way.  Our mission was to find some things that La Paix needed for cooking; pots to use on our charcoal oven, some fruit, bread and cell minutes for the phones.  Before our Haitian shopping adventure could be underway we had to exchange my US dollars for Haitian gourdes. 

As I went to pay at our first stop my hands were nervously shaking as I was fumbling through my bag trying to figure out what the heck is a Haitian dollar (an imaginary currency that is actually just a complicated conversion rate) and how many actual gourdes and what it would be in US so I could make the connection.   This all may sound silly, laugh at me if you want, but I felt like a hot mess. Another underlying problem was I thought before our little shopping spree was over we might have to take a moto, aka a motorcycle taxi…What, that may be too many firsts for me in one day.

As we stop to get some fruit, Li Paix grabs a pineapple and watermelon, and I decide to carry the watermelon.  As we are walking the streets, my insecurities creep in and out of my heart and mind, but with a smile on my face a scene from the movie Dirty Dancing comes to mind.  Remember the scene when the main character, Baby, is finally introduced to the people she is interested in befriending.  Although her insecurities tell her she may not be their “type” or they are not interested in knowing her,  she finds a way in by helping one of them carry a watermelon.  Yes the quote is this questionable, did I really just say that, “I carried a watermelon.”  As if she had to justify why she was there.  I felt like that today, an outsider so desperately wanting to be accepted, but not sure when or how it to do it. 

As we continued to walk the streets, I just tried to soak everything in. Wishing I could understand what everyone was saying, wanting to know more of the culture and why things work the way they do.  I felt God just gently encouraging me to be patient; it will take time, but also to embrace the opportunities He places before me to learn, to go, to see, to do and to get the nerves of the newness out.  He is not expecting me to part the Red Sea, He just wants me to step in.

Jen