For you...

Dear Friend,

There is this cycle I experience while away from you; it is like a favorite song on repeat, and when it gets old, I can’t find a new tune.  There is no one that can replace what I miss by not being with you.  There is nothing that can fill my void of our relationship.  The joy of our time together has created lasting memories and thankfully I can hold to that.  I was reading today and found this…

“Finally dear brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things…put it into action.  And the God of peace will be with you.”  Phil 4:8-9 

No, it is not easy, but was I called to “easy”?  When I read this scripture and change my perspective, I can breathe, I can smile, I can see and focus on the good times we have had and will have.  I can also see what God is providing for me in the now.  I am grateful for the memories, the tears shed, the laughter shared and the moments in the future that we will be blessed with.  For now, I focus on these things and MY God will provide me with the peace I need for the moment.  For if I focus on the things I cannot have or experience with you, I will miss the gifts I am given on a daily basis, through my husband, my kids, my acquaintances and the stranger walking the street. 

I love you friend!

Back to School

The summer has flown by! 

We took 30 plus kids (ages 3-19) to a hotel in the next town with a great pool so they could go swimming!  Lets just say they had a blast, nothing but laughter and smiles.  And only a few times I closed my eyes in fear we would be taking a trip to the nearest hospital, but we made it and everyone left without any injuries. 

To see the joy in the kids faces, the care free spirit, no worries, just laughter, was an amazing reminder of how God feels when we move through our day with joy.  How He delights in our smiles and thankfulness of something so simple.  Sometimes it is the simple things in our lives that God uses to refine us and teach us, we just need to step back and see it for what it is worth and not be blind to it.  To hear Major say it was the best day of his life, Addyx giggles as she runs and jumps from the girls and then crashes and gets a great nap on the way home, and then Beckett who the whole drive there talked about the beautiful mountains and the ocean (or as he called it “river”), but there was true joy in all of their hearts!  And Sean and I got to sit back and watch the pool full of happiness, laughter, conversation and fellowship! 

Here are some pictures from our day.  

West Texas Holiday

So as today winds to an end, I should of known better and turned a blind eye to social media on this West Texas Holiday, affectionately coined by Pat Green’s classic tune, or Labor Day for you non-hunters. 

As family and friends post pictures of their opening day dove hunts, poolside parties and grills bursting with savory red meat, I sit with angst and jealously.  Its days like today where my family and I are missing the community that stirs our souls.  It’s days like today where I would wake long before the sun would drench the West Texas skyline with its sweltering beams to find that perfect shade tree to pass the day in search of the elusive and oh so tasty, dove!  Its days like today where my wife and kids would enjoy the company of their dearest family and friends pool side where the laughter and joy is as present as the splashing and waves!  Its days like today where you can taste in the air the bounty of glorious goodness smoking from the grills!  Its days like today where our hearts would be filled with joy of community, laughter and love. 

But today, I felt none of that.  Today was filled with bitterness, jealously and a longing for something just out of reach!  What I would of given to have arisen with the sun to adorn my ole camo shirt, grab my old shotgun and pile in the truck with friends, young and old.   As much as I miss the activity, it’s the longing today that hurts the most.  It’s a crazy nagging dynamic to be pulled in a million directions, surrounded by 30 plus kids, employees around every corner and the daily demands of a man’s family and feel completely alone.  It’s eerie and quit frightening.  For as our longing for community deepens, the daily chaos is like salt in a fresh wound.  Its days like today when my Creole, or lack of, is a mangled mess of confusion.   Its days like today when the people I have been called to love and serve bring forth such frustration and questions.   Its days like today when I read Peter’s words in Luke 18:28 and sense his confusion.  “We’ve left our homes to follow you.”  I feel like this verse could be followed by a hundred question marks, deep sighs and painfully shed tears. As I read through the lines and interject my interpretations its like Peter is screaming, “Jesus, what in the world are we doing?”  And sadly today I would agree with him.  But thankfully Jesus doesn’t let it end there and offers up some of His omnipotent grace-filled wisdom.  “Yes, and I assure you that everyone who has given up house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the Kingdom of God, will be repaid many times over in this life, and will have eternal life in the world to come.”  Luke 18:29-30

Thankfully these words bring some comfort over the stingy and burning questions.  Lord, I know we are walking Your path for our family, but where is our community? Why the void between friendships You formed and that we cherish so deeply?  Is missing this part of our life really what’s best for my family?  Today is a day where I fight between the idea of joy and happiness.   For I know, if I were in Texas today, my day, and that of my family, would be filled with much happiness, smiles and laughter, but today in Haiti I had to fight to see the joy of following His plan and path. 

So today is a day I ask God to help me accept the day's struggles and frustrations.  Today is a day where I continue to fight the numbing pain for those relationships that the Lord has knitted together, yet at this time has separated us.  Today is a day where I WILL fight to see His joy even when its hidden among the tears.