A tough day...anywhere in the world.

This post comes with tears and sleepless nights, not only for me but also with many that have the honor to know Jude.

The hand dealt to Jude sucks.  To be honest, over the past few days I have really been struggling with God on Jude’s path and why it is what it is.  With many things in my life I feel that I have handled adversity well and approached God with the question of “What” rather than “Why”, but not with Jude.

See the problem is not necessarily his diagnoses, but rather how his days are playing out.  In 2011, Jude was diagnosed with Lymphoma; he went to the US for treatment and was able to return to Haiti with a clean bill of health.  The problem is, shortly after arriving back home; Jude began to experience lower back pain.  Because of Jeff, a dear friend, like a surrogate father to Jude, he was able to see a specialist in Port au Prince only to discover that his cancer had spread to his bones and is attacking his lower spine and hip region.  Cancer is no stranger in my life and the bastard is really starting to piss me off.  Over the past few years I have seen my mom, dad, an uncle, my little buddy Will and others battle this disease and now Jude.  So as I have seen the havoc that cancer plays on lives, I ask God “why this path for Jude?”  To cancer, I can stay strong with my “Ok God, WHAT is your plan for this”, but to see Jude battle and struggle with excruciating pain day in and day out makes me sick.  The past few days Jude has consumed my heart, my mind and my prayers.  Why is God allowing Jude to battle such pain, pain that causes him to lose his sight at times, pain that won’t let his body rest, pain that takes away a young mans appetite and a pain that is stealing his youth, a pain that is stealing his life.

So I was asked, and it was truly my honor, to drive Jude to his latest doctors appointment in Port au Prince (PaP), but the trip came with much more than I expected.  Just by being asked to drive Jude, my emotions and prayers began stirring for him even more so than before.  Our (Jude, Jeff, myself and 2 others) day began long before many on our precious island even began to stir, but we were ready for the mission at hand: What can be done to ease Jude’s pain?  As we drove through the winding beaten roads Jude sits in silence, yet stirs in pain.  His night only provided pain and prayerful cries for relief.  As I listen to stories from Jeff talking about holding Jude in the warm still nights and listening to him cry and pray for mercy and healing I’m burdened for this young man.  And really how could you not be?   A young man, who loves the Lord, has his whole life before him and he is chained to his bed in pain.  God, what are you doing?  Why does Jude have to battle this way?  Is one round of cancer not enough?  Is life any Haiti, not enough?  When will this crippling and life stealing pain end?  So between questions like these, prayers and a death grip on the wheel, we make our way to PaP seeking comfort for a friend. 

I am truly inspired and blessed (and convicted) by Jude and his faith.  As a young man fights for his life, he leans on the cornerstone of our Lord, believing and trusting Him for a miracle.  See doctors have said that only God can spare him now.  Most conversation I have with Jude lead to my choking up and hanging my head for my personal lack of faith.  Here stands before me; a young man whose body is being ravaged by the work of this fallen world and yet He stands firm that our GOD IS THE GREAT PHYSICAIN and THE GREAT HEALER!  For many of us, this idea or prayer comes on whims of passing stories and request.  But what if this thought was your reality?  What if this stance was your only means to waking each day?  What if your faith was the only reason you could face another day filled with pain so intense that you cry to God for relief?  Where would you turn?  How would you handle this?  I look into Jude’s eyes and see his resolve, his conviction and am blessed by a faith that cannot be shaken. 

Back to our day, Jude was able to see his doctor, who thankfully prescribed some stronger and more effective pain meds.  Upon our departure from what we would consider a successful appointment, despite another dose, Jude winces in pain, struggles to walk, struggles to sit and really fights his body just to find a way to just be.  Jude’s battle is so intense at times he is literally blinded in pain.  For Jude, today is one of those days.  So as we begin to make our way home I battle back and forth between the torment of driving in Haiti and the torment of Jude’s sentence.  It’s strange how exhausting a day of driving, praying and talking with God can be.  So as I face my task at hand (to drive and pray) Jude squirms in pain and then begins to sing a song to the Lord.  Its like he was in the car alone with God himself.  No one driving, no passengers, just Jude pleading to His Savior for relief.  An eerie silence fell over me as I smiled because of a young man’s faith and love.  I questioned my self, as I listened to one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard, even though I only understood a few words, where would I turn?  To the bottle, to pills, to anything that might take the pain and offer some relief, but no Jude sings to His Healer. 

Nothing this far in Haiti has brought me as much joy as listening to Jude sing.  Within minutes of Jude’s song comes a smile and a “where’s my sandwich?”  So whether it was Jude’s meds or steadfastness in prayer he catches a glimpse of relief.  My car is literally filled with joy as we all sigh in relief on Jude’s behalf. 

No matter, what city or country you find yourself in today, I think you can see the weight of our day.  Imagine this struggle, this fight, this being your norm.  I cant; and this is why I struggle.  I really don’t know what to do for my new friend, Jude, other than plead as the persistent widow did to God on Jude’s behalf.  I plead that Jude would be a modern day Job, that God would heal and bless Jude ten fold, that the Lord would be made famous because of his healing.  I ask that you pray for Jude.  In “Christianise” we many times pray through the lens of “Lord, if its in your will” this is our scape goat and safety net so if our prayers aren’t answered we just say “it wasn’t God’s will”, but that’s not how I am praying for Jude.  I want Jude to find relief from his torment and I want him healed.  Bottom line, no buts, no asterisk, just healed and I ask that you do the same!  Pray with boldness, pray with song, pray with tears, and pray that God would allow the sun to stand still for Jude as he is healed!  

Sean

Just an Update

Sometimes I just want to share a random update, nothing profound, just a glimpse into what is going on.  

Everything here is going so good!  Last week I got a little homesick one day and just wanted to sit in a room with girlfriends that could speak English!!  (learning the language can be a bit defeating)  But I got over it and doing good now.  Sundays are good and refreshing.  We do a Sunday school with our kids and then online church just Sean and I, we rest and eat lunch and then go to the beach :) It is a pretty awesome day.  When we go to the beach we go to the same spot every time so that we become "regulars" and get to know the other "regulars".  The community there is really neat, there are some cool people (and once the stares ware off) we talk and make new friends...  We have a regular girl that we buy soda from and then another vendor we buy snacks from, and I use the terms loosely as it is some girls sitting with an igloo cooler and a table with boxes on them.  But still it is snacks on the beach and the kids are in heaven.  

Our place is pretty cool...  slowly feeling like home.  It is killing me to not decorate, run to Ikea or Target to get a rug, sofa, tables, materials for a Pinterest project, etc. ... all I can do is paint!  I am having to get really creative and use resources that we brought with us, so I hung a curtain behind our bed to serve as a headboard, and plastic bookshelves to create a little office space.  I also tried to hang some frames up, but the command strip and the concrete walls don't do so well in the humidity.  Sean is getting some chalkboard paint and a masonry bit for the drill today, so maybe we will have some progress.  Also, my sister is at Ikea in the states and I so wish I could walk the isles with her and hand pick things that would count as a checked item on a flight to Haiti....  (I know this is all so trivial, but its like nesting before your baby, it just keeps you busy and comforts you.)

Yesterday morning was one of those days where my feet hit the floor and the day had already felt like it had conquered me!!!  So I left Sean in charge of the kids, stole Major's headphones and hid on the roof with some praise and worship music blaring. (The headphones were so no one could hear my glorious music and find me.)  It was good my the soul to be recharged a bit.  The Lord reminded me I am not on this journey alone, with the words from the song "Home"...

Hold on, to me as we go

As we roll down this unfamiliar road

And although this wave (wave) is stringing us along

Just know you're not alone

Cause I'm gonna make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear

Don't pay no mind to the demons

They fill you with fear

The trouble it might drag you down

If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone

Cause I'm gonna make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear

Don't pay no mind to the demons

They fill you with fear

The trouble it might drag you down

If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone

Cause I'm gonna make this place your home

Sunset view form our rooftop...

"I carried a watermelon...?"

Today I was encouraged by Sean, or gently pushed, to go out into town with the lady that is cooking for us, Li Paix.  I was scared, in an intimidated way, not in a fearful way, of walking in town.  Being the obvious outsider. Oh how in my flesh I felt so out of place and insecure about just walking the streets, but I pulled up my big girl panties, Sean and I prayed about it and I went on my way.  Our mission was to find some things that La Paix needed for cooking; pots to use on our charcoal oven, some fruit, bread and cell minutes for the phones.  Before our Haitian shopping adventure could be underway we had to exchange my US dollars for Haitian gourdes. 

As I went to pay at our first stop my hands were nervously shaking as I was fumbling through my bag trying to figure out what the heck is a Haitian dollar (an imaginary currency that is actually just a complicated conversion rate) and how many actual gourdes and what it would be in US so I could make the connection.   This all may sound silly, laugh at me if you want, but I felt like a hot mess. Another underlying problem was I thought before our little shopping spree was over we might have to take a moto, aka a motorcycle taxi…What, that may be too many firsts for me in one day.

As we stop to get some fruit, Li Paix grabs a pineapple and watermelon, and I decide to carry the watermelon.  As we are walking the streets, my insecurities creep in and out of my heart and mind, but with a smile on my face a scene from the movie Dirty Dancing comes to mind.  Remember the scene when the main character, Baby, is finally introduced to the people she is interested in befriending.  Although her insecurities tell her she may not be their “type” or they are not interested in knowing her,  she finds a way in by helping one of them carry a watermelon.  Yes the quote is this questionable, did I really just say that, “I carried a watermelon.”  As if she had to justify why she was there.  I felt like that today, an outsider so desperately wanting to be accepted, but not sure when or how it to do it. 

As we continued to walk the streets, I just tried to soak everything in. Wishing I could understand what everyone was saying, wanting to know more of the culture and why things work the way they do.  I felt God just gently encouraging me to be patient; it will take time, but also to embrace the opportunities He places before me to learn, to go, to see, to do and to get the nerves of the newness out.  He is not expecting me to part the Red Sea, He just wants me to step in.

Jen

Battle Royale

So as we hit the ground running in Haiti, I would agree with those that say you can never really be fullyprepared for the reality of the life here.  Thankfully we had a strong start as some amazing friends joined us this week as part of the moving A Team; you know like the 80’s show minus Mr. T!  Forgive me, as I may ramble and wonder as I try to unpack the stirring of our hearts and minds!

Some thoughts I pondered this week as we dive into this beautiful chaos called Haiti!

Never take a cool breeze for granted!  And for the record life with no AC is not that bad!  Very tolerable and you get use to it…

The cool, refreshing, life giving rain is always welcomed, but it does come with a painful reminder as we know many are flooded out of their homes as we sit high and dry in our preverbal “palace”. 

Electricity is really amazing; please don’t take it for granted!  Heck we would be stoked to have a strong enough current to power our fans at full speed!  Even with crappy electricity we are oh so thankful for our fans and that small trickle of current that allows us to sleep not covered in sweat! 

Going to the open air street market for our daily vegetables and grocery needs makes me feel like I’m starring in a Jason Bourne movie.  At any minute a guy on a dirt bike waving a machine gun may jump a shanty house and crash into a pile of rotting cabbage!  Very exhilarating!

Kwik Kar for car oil changes and other vehicle maintenance is truly a gift from God!  To my dear friends Kirk and Brian, I want you to know I actually changed my own oil!  Shocking, yes, but it had to be done!  And, for all you non-mechanic types, like myself, motor oil is NOT and I repeat, NOT, supposed to look like road tar!

In reference to the previous line item!  Nowhere in my imaginary “Haiti missionary quick reference guidebook” did it say anything about me having to be a full time, qualified and experienced mechanic, electrician and plumber!

And with this, allow me to explain my on going Battle Royale! 

So as our prep team (who were amazing) left last week, they said there might be a minor issue with a water tank but they were sure we could figure it out and have it fixed in no time.  Sure, why not, I have nothing else going on…

First, let me briefly explain our water situation and catch you up to speed.  We have a giant cistern that holds a few thousands gallons of water under our carport, we have a pump that pumps water from the cistern to the pressure tanks on our roof.  From the tanks we receive our precious nightly cold showers! 

So, we fire up the ole generator, yes generator, remember no 24/7 electricity, to start the task of pumping water.  We fill all our roof tanks and come down with a very strong sense of accomplishment.  Heading to the bathrooms and sinks to check our handy work we find 2 showers not working.  With it beginning to get late we decide to tackle this problem in the morning!  As the warm brilliant Haitian sun begins to rise the next day we are up and at it.  As we go to the roof to check our tanks we come to find that we are missing 200 gallons of water!  WHAT THE HELL!!!!!  How do you lose 200 gallons of water?  Did someone steal it?  Do we have some crazy leak that will cost me a fortune to repair?  This is not really how I wanted to start my day.  I called back home to our prep team and ask them about this.  They say, “Oh, yeah we lost 200 gallons too!”  Oh, fantastic, so now I have actually lost 400 gallons.  Never in my life would I of thought I would be so upset over losing water!   So, like any normal American I call our landlord, Mr. Jeanott, and ask him to come over.  We walk the property, the roof, check faucets, toilets, fittings, pipes and tanks and find ZERO leaks; no sign of my precious water!  Mr. Jeanott, says, without missing a beat, “Maybe the devil drank it…” Great, now Satan himself is consuming my water!  After the assumption of satan’s evil scheme against me, we decide to fill again.  Let me allow you to guess what happened the next day…

Yes, my freaking water was gone again!  So to help you keep up with the math, I have lost 600 gallons of water in less than a week’s time!  Now, many may not think this is a big deal but water is like gold in Haiti and getting my cistern filled will not be easy and definitely not cheap!

So after a few choice words and a laugh (to keep from crying) I call Mr. Jeanott again!  This time he pulls out the big guns and brings the homeowner over who luckily is in town from New Jersey.   He walks right in and says lets fill the tank so we can investigate.  Now, I’m sure you can imagine my hesitation, as I don’t really want to lose another 200!  We have to do it, so we fill ‘em up.  By this point, I’m actually praying over the water!  With the tanks full we are off to do our inspection again for the hundredth time.  Luckily the homeowner is much smarter than Mr. Jeanott and myself!  He heads for the toilet and finds the smallest, most minuet crack!  Even when he pointed it out I still couldn’t see it but I really didn’t care.  Halleluiah our water problems are solved!  Thank you Lord! 

So as our Haiti day moved on with a renewed sense of joy and accomplishment we continued to unpack and settle in. 

To spare you the long and boring details: we had to work through some major issues (again) between the crappy city power, our generator, batteries and inverter.  With this under our belt we believe we have come to a close of our Battle Royale, but see that is not Haiti’s style.  So with new wires ran, breakers adjusted and ready to do their thing, we fire up the pump to fill the tanks.  For about 4 seconds we have pumping bliss and then the most awful, not water pumping sound and sparks come from the pump!  So toilets are fixed, no leaks to be found but now the freaking water pump is broke; FANTASTIC!  Thankfully we are laughing this chaos off and thankful that one of our tanks still has some water in it to sustain us for a few days until the new parts can be found and installed.  So with this new round to our battle royale underway please enjoy the below pic of the prettiest dishwasher ever; improvising with some Haitian ingenuity! 

Yes, that is Jen washing dishes in our one working shower. 

Each day we learn new things and make new discovers!  Please continue to pray for our journey as we settle into our new home, neighborhood, town and country!  And please don’t hesitate to pray over my Battle Royale!