A tough day...anywhere in the world.

This post comes with tears and sleepless nights, not only for me but also with many that have the honor to know Jude.

The hand dealt to Jude sucks.  To be honest, over the past few days I have really been struggling with God on Jude’s path and why it is what it is.  With many things in my life I feel that I have handled adversity well and approached God with the question of “What” rather than “Why”, but not with Jude.

See the problem is not necessarily his diagnoses, but rather how his days are playing out.  In 2011, Jude was diagnosed with Lymphoma; he went to the US for treatment and was able to return to Haiti with a clean bill of health.  The problem is, shortly after arriving back home; Jude began to experience lower back pain.  Because of Jeff, a dear friend, like a surrogate father to Jude, he was able to see a specialist in Port au Prince only to discover that his cancer had spread to his bones and is attacking his lower spine and hip region.  Cancer is no stranger in my life and the bastard is really starting to piss me off.  Over the past few years I have seen my mom, dad, an uncle, my little buddy Will and others battle this disease and now Jude.  So as I have seen the havoc that cancer plays on lives, I ask God “why this path for Jude?”  To cancer, I can stay strong with my “Ok God, WHAT is your plan for this”, but to see Jude battle and struggle with excruciating pain day in and day out makes me sick.  The past few days Jude has consumed my heart, my mind and my prayers.  Why is God allowing Jude to battle such pain, pain that causes him to lose his sight at times, pain that won’t let his body rest, pain that takes away a young mans appetite and a pain that is stealing his youth, a pain that is stealing his life.

So I was asked, and it was truly my honor, to drive Jude to his latest doctors appointment in Port au Prince (PaP), but the trip came with much more than I expected.  Just by being asked to drive Jude, my emotions and prayers began stirring for him even more so than before.  Our (Jude, Jeff, myself and 2 others) day began long before many on our precious island even began to stir, but we were ready for the mission at hand: What can be done to ease Jude’s pain?  As we drove through the winding beaten roads Jude sits in silence, yet stirs in pain.  His night only provided pain and prayerful cries for relief.  As I listen to stories from Jeff talking about holding Jude in the warm still nights and listening to him cry and pray for mercy and healing I’m burdened for this young man.  And really how could you not be?   A young man, who loves the Lord, has his whole life before him and he is chained to his bed in pain.  God, what are you doing?  Why does Jude have to battle this way?  Is one round of cancer not enough?  Is life any Haiti, not enough?  When will this crippling and life stealing pain end?  So between questions like these, prayers and a death grip on the wheel, we make our way to PaP seeking comfort for a friend. 

I am truly inspired and blessed (and convicted) by Jude and his faith.  As a young man fights for his life, he leans on the cornerstone of our Lord, believing and trusting Him for a miracle.  See doctors have said that only God can spare him now.  Most conversation I have with Jude lead to my choking up and hanging my head for my personal lack of faith.  Here stands before me; a young man whose body is being ravaged by the work of this fallen world and yet He stands firm that our GOD IS THE GREAT PHYSICAIN and THE GREAT HEALER!  For many of us, this idea or prayer comes on whims of passing stories and request.  But what if this thought was your reality?  What if this stance was your only means to waking each day?  What if your faith was the only reason you could face another day filled with pain so intense that you cry to God for relief?  Where would you turn?  How would you handle this?  I look into Jude’s eyes and see his resolve, his conviction and am blessed by a faith that cannot be shaken. 

Back to our day, Jude was able to see his doctor, who thankfully prescribed some stronger and more effective pain meds.  Upon our departure from what we would consider a successful appointment, despite another dose, Jude winces in pain, struggles to walk, struggles to sit and really fights his body just to find a way to just be.  Jude’s battle is so intense at times he is literally blinded in pain.  For Jude, today is one of those days.  So as we begin to make our way home I battle back and forth between the torment of driving in Haiti and the torment of Jude’s sentence.  It’s strange how exhausting a day of driving, praying and talking with God can be.  So as I face my task at hand (to drive and pray) Jude squirms in pain and then begins to sing a song to the Lord.  Its like he was in the car alone with God himself.  No one driving, no passengers, just Jude pleading to His Savior for relief.  An eerie silence fell over me as I smiled because of a young man’s faith and love.  I questioned my self, as I listened to one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard, even though I only understood a few words, where would I turn?  To the bottle, to pills, to anything that might take the pain and offer some relief, but no Jude sings to His Healer. 

Nothing this far in Haiti has brought me as much joy as listening to Jude sing.  Within minutes of Jude’s song comes a smile and a “where’s my sandwich?”  So whether it was Jude’s meds or steadfastness in prayer he catches a glimpse of relief.  My car is literally filled with joy as we all sigh in relief on Jude’s behalf. 

No matter, what city or country you find yourself in today, I think you can see the weight of our day.  Imagine this struggle, this fight, this being your norm.  I cant; and this is why I struggle.  I really don’t know what to do for my new friend, Jude, other than plead as the persistent widow did to God on Jude’s behalf.  I plead that Jude would be a modern day Job, that God would heal and bless Jude ten fold, that the Lord would be made famous because of his healing.  I ask that you pray for Jude.  In “Christianise” we many times pray through the lens of “Lord, if its in your will” this is our scape goat and safety net so if our prayers aren’t answered we just say “it wasn’t God’s will”, but that’s not how I am praying for Jude.  I want Jude to find relief from his torment and I want him healed.  Bottom line, no buts, no asterisk, just healed and I ask that you do the same!  Pray with boldness, pray with song, pray with tears, and pray that God would allow the sun to stand still for Jude as he is healed!  

Sean